Kiss My Name Read online

  Nicky was alongside us now and she playfully punched Joey on the shoulder.

  “Don’t be so silly, Joey! We are just friends, aren’t we, Muscley Man?”

  “Muscleman,” Joey corrected her.

  “Well we are, aren’t we?”

  “Yes,” I said, “but I’d rather you drank Col’s lemonade than kissed me, thank you very much!”

  I lied. Even when she was ten, I would have been more than happy for Nicky to kiss me.

  “Well, don’t worry Muscleman, I won’t be doing either. Is your Mum in Joey? Do you think she’d mind me pouring myself a glass of lemonade?”

  “I’m sure she wouldn’t. Go and ask her and get me another one whilst you’re there, will you?”

  Nicky picked up Joey’s glass without objection and skipped towards the house. As she disappeared inside, Colin came towards us from the bottom of the garden.

  “Oi, Joey, do you think your Dad’ll give us a quid for chopping down his weeds?”

  “No, Colin, he won’t but he may charge you for the damage you’ve done to his vegetable patch.”

  “Bugger off! I’ve not done any damage!”

  “Language,” I warned again sternly.

  “What did I say?” Colin protested as he came towards us.

  “Bugger.”

  “What’s wrong with bugger?”

  “It’s a swear word.”

  “It is not!”

  “Col, it is! Would you call your Headmaster at school a ‘bugger’? If not, don’t use it.”

  Colin paused for a few seconds to consider the question, whilst he did he located his lemonade, which he’d strategically placed a few yards away from us.

  “I think I already have called him a bugger! More than once. He didn’t seem to mind.”

  I didn’t believe him. Colin could lie for the human race. I watched as he drank his whole glass of lemonade in one almighty gulp before burping loudly and continuing,

  “Needed that...where’s Miss La-de-da gone?”

  “In the house,” Joey answered, “for some lemonade.”

  Colin started to do some crazy dance mimicking the R Whites ‘Secret Lemonade Drinker’ ads. If you hadn’t witnessed Colin’s theatrics several times a day, you would probably have thought he was hilarious. Joey and I didn’t even smile. I wish we had, Colin was always trying so hard to impress us, but more often than not, he failed.

  “What’s she here for anyway?” Colin asked after his dance.

  “Don’t know really,” Joey answered, “she comes here all the time. Her Mum and Dad were friends with mine, but her Mum died.”

  “I know,” said Colin matter-of-factly, he was ten, empathy wasn’t his greatest quality, “Simon told me...what are we going to do this afternoon?”

  We had just had lunch. There were a few grey clouds threatening the blue sky, but we chose to ignore them.

  “I fancy a game of cricket down the park,” Joey piped up, “do you Muscleman?”

  “Not really. Do you reckon Nicky would join in? It’d be different then. We haven’t got enough for cricket otherwise. With three we’ve just got a batter, a bowler and a wicky, but with four, we’d have a fielder too. You need a fielder for cricket.”

  I was hoping my desperation to have Nicky there would be masked by cricketing necessities. I enjoyed being around Nicky. I wasn’t sure how long she’d be at Joey’s for, but if she was stopping around, I didn’t want to be going off playing cricket without her. I wasn’t really a sporting type anyway.

  “I reckon she’d play if we asked her,” Joey replied.

  “I want to play!” Colin said excitedly, “I love cricket! Bagsy batting first!”

  “That’s fine, Col. You can bat first, as long as Nicky can play,” I reassured him but added my caveat. I wasn’t going to play if Nicky didn’t agree to. If she did, I didn’t care who batted first. I was probably best not batting at all if I wanted to impress her. I wasn’t the greatest at batting.

  A couple of minutes later, Nicky came out of the Neill’s back door, carefully carrying a tray with four glasses of lemonade on it. Her tongue pointed out of her mouth to provide a better equilibrium.

  “More lemonade everyone! Joey, your Mum said can we collect up all the empty glasses and put them on the tray when we’re finished.”

  “OK. Fancy a game of cricket, Nicky, after we’ve had the lemonade?” Joey asked.

  “Here? In your garden.”

  “No, down at the park.”

  “I’m batting first,” Colin added for good measure.

  Nicky shook her head as she put the tray down alongside us.

  “We won’t be able to.”

  “Who says?” asked Colin, clearly aggrieved.

  “Joey’s Mum was just saying that the forecast is for rain later, so she said once she’s done her hair and put a bit of make up on, she’ll take us all to the cinema to see Top Gun! Isn’t that brilliant?”

  “Wow! Excellent. I’ve been wanting to see that!” I said with genuine delight. Not much excited me, but my Mum and Dad had kept promising to take us to Top Gun, but as yet had failed to do so. I thought it was probably down to money, I often overheard them saying we were short. This way we wouldn’t even have to pay, Mrs.Neill always paid for us all.”

  Colin was less enthused.

  “What’s Top Gun?”

  “It’s that new film I keep asking Mum and Dad to take us to,” I explained, “it’s meant to be brill. It has fighter planes in it and loads of action, you’d love it!”

  I wasn’t entirely sure Colin would love it, but I wanted to give off the impression that he would. I really wanted to go. He must have sensed my doubt.

  “Sounds crap. I want to play cricket, Si.”

  “We can play cricket any time, Col. Come on, how often do we get to go to the cinema? Mrs.Neill often buys us ice cream, popcorn and a drink. Mum and Dad only ever let us have a Kia Ora.”

  “We hardly ever go because Mum knows I don’t like it. It’s boring just sitting there for hours watching people speak.”

  Colin wasn’t a fan of TV. He was too much of a fidget to sit down for long. Cinema was even worse for him. It was a two hour ordeal. I did think there was a chance he would like Top Gun though. Planes doing stunts and fighting at speed would probably keep him still, I hoped.

  “Colin, how do you know whether or not you’ll like it until you give it a go?” Joey reasoned.

  “It’ll be really good,” Nicky added, “everyone at school says it’s great.”

  “The boys or the girls?” Colin enquired.

  “Both.”

  “If girls like it, I won’t.” Colin reasoned.

  “Just try it,” I pleaded.

  “What’s the point? I don’t know whether I’ll like Top Gun but I definitely know I like cricket, so why can’t we just do that?”

  “Because it’s going to rain,” I explained although I wasn’t too convinced about that myself as I was squinting due to the power of the suns rays as I spoke. I wanted to go to the cinema. I wanted to sit next to Nicky. I could picture us sharing a bucket of popcorn.

  “Joey, you want to play cricket as well, don’t you?” begged Colin, looking for allies.

  “I’m not sure, Colin. I love playing cricket, but I want to go and see Top Gun, it’s meant to be dead good.”

  Nicky decided to go down the democratic route, possibly because she felt she was pretty likely to be in the majority.

  “Why don’t we vote on it?”

  “Fine,” Colin replied in a competitive tone, “what happens if it’s a draw though?”

  “Let’s just vote, Col and see if it is a draw,” I urged. I just wanted to get this over with. I fully expected Colin to lose the vote three-one and wasn’t sure how he was going to react. I knew there was a possibility that I may have to step in to avoid him doing a Jiu Jitsu move on Nicky.

  “OK,” Nicky said, “who votes for Top Gun? Put your hand in the bucket if you do.”

  Nicky
made a circle with her arms at the front of her hips and pointed her own right arm inwards to show she was voting for Top Gun. I put my hand in there too, Colin and more surprisingly Joey, did not follow suit. Colin’s face broke out into a broad smile.

  “And who votes for cricket?” Nicky asked.

  Colin ran over and put his hand into the imaginary bucket, he looked over at Joey expecting him to follow suit, but he didn’t. Joey held his hands up to indicate that he would not be voting at all.

  “Come on, Joey,” Colin said with more than a hint of irritation, “stick your hand in the bucket for cricket.”

  “I’m abstaining,” Joey explained.

  “You’re what?” Colin asked.

  “Abstaining.”

  “What does abstaining mean?” a puzzled Colin asked. I was glad he did as I didn’t know the meaning of the word either but did not want to show myself up in front of Nicky.

  “It means I am exercising my right not to vote.”

  “But you want to play cricket!” Colin pointed out.

  “I don’t mind either way, Colin, so I’m not voting for either.”

  “Top Gun it is then!” Nicky said euphorically, she came over to me and gave me a high five, which I was pretty pleased about.

  Colin wasn’t having it. He had never taken defeat well.

  “That’s not fair! Joey cheated.”

  “No, he didn’t,” Nicky argued, “he just didn’t vote!”

  “Well, I’m not going to see stupid Top Gun! I hate Top Gun.”

  “You’ve never seen it,” Nicky was at lengths to point out.

  “I don’t care. I hate it.”

  Colin stormed off up the path, striding along with his head down.

  “Col, hang on!” I called after him, “where are you going?”

  “To call for Bez and Holmy, see if they’ll play cricket with me.”

  I ran over to him. I had promised to look after him.

  “Come on, Col. Please come to Top Gun with us. I’ll buy a box of Dolly Mixtures for you with my pocket money if you come.”

  “Why would that make it better? Joey’s Mum buys ice cream, popcorn and Kia Ora, but I still don’t want to go. Anyway, I hate Dolly Mixtures.”

  “Any toffees you like then.”

  “I want to play cricket, Muscleman. Please come and play cricket. That Nicky’s a silly cow! Let her go to Top Gun with Joey’s Mum.”

  “Col, I want to see Top Gun.”

  “Go some other time.”

  “I don’t want to, Col. I want to go now.”

  Colin took a long look at me. He wasn’t the smartest ten year old in the world, but sometimes, just by looking, he could tell whether it was worth pushing me or whether it was time to leave things be. This time, he opted for the latter.

  “That’s OK, Si. I’ll get a cricket set from ours, call for Bez and Holmy and I’ll see you at home later on.”

  “OK.”

  I put my hand into my pocket, dug out a 50p coin and flicked it over to him.

  “Thanks!”

  “Get yourself a fizzy drink, not Top Deck shandy though, Col, a soft drink. Cricket can be thirsty work, especially for a top batter like you!”

  Colin smiled, “I’m like Beefy Botham, Si. I can bat and bowl!”

  I smiled back, “I know you can.”

  “See you later, Muscleman.”

  “See you Col.....oh and Colin...”

  “What?”

  “If Bez and Holmy aren’t in or if it starts raining, you’ll go straight home, won’t you?”

  “I will, Muscleman. I will.”

  Colin ran off and I turned back around and headed back to Joey and Nicky.

  “Is he OK?” Nicky asked. She was only the same age as Colin, but she had a much older head on her shoulders. I guessed bereavement forced maturity on her.

  “He’s fine,” I reassured her, “he’ll be happier playing cricket. He wouldn’t sit still in the cinema. Joey, can you tell your Mum that it’ll just be the three of us now.”

  Maybe I should have felt guilty about letting Colin go off, on his own, but I didn’t. The only emotion I remember feeling was excitement. Excitement about seeing Top Gun and excitement because there were only three of us now and I knew that if Nicky sat in the middle, I’d now be guaranteed a seat next to her. That popcorn bucket sharing vision was a step closer to reality. The guilt came though. It came like one of those waves that rises up to the promenade and drags helpless passers by into the swelling sea. It was unavoidable, attaching itself to my back like a monkey and twenty five years later I still can’t shake it off.

  SIMON–August 1986

  “Hiya Mum!” I said cheerily as I came through the front door, keeping it open to wave goodbye to Mrs.Neill and Joey, who had dropped me off.

  “Hi Simon! How was Top Gun?” Mum asked from the kitchen.

  “How did you know I went to see Top Gun?” I queried as I closed the front door and went through to the kitchen to join her. I’d gone to the cinema straight from Joey’s house, so was perplexed as to how Mum knew.

  At that stage, Mum was going through her perm and peroxide period. Her hair was long, blonde and big. Tall at the top, wide at the sides and frizzy just about everywhere. Most of the time Mum’s dark roots were showing too. I remember playing I-spy in the car once and Colin did ‘B’ for black, ‘the colour of the insides of Mum’s hair’.

  “Colin told me you were going. He came back for his cricket stuff earlier. He was moaning about you going, said you all should have gone to play cricket.”

  Cricket, with hindsight, was a terrible option. Mrs.Neill’s weather forecast had been correct, it had poured down. As soon as we came out of the cinema we were witness to an almighty downpour, we had to pull our T-shirts over our heads as we ran to the car.

  “They won’t have had much chance of playing cricket! When did it start raining?”

  “About half an hour after he grabbed his stuff. I thought he would have come back in moaning, but no doubt he’ll come back in when he’s hungry, looking like a drowned rat.

  I’m just doing your tea, how many ‘Fish Fingers’ do you want?”

  “Do we have tomato sauce?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good, I hate ‘Fish Fingers’ without tomato sauce.”

  “How many do you want then?”

  “Two, please.”

  “Just two?”

  “Mrs.Neill bought us popcorn and a drink before the film and then a choc ice during the interval. I’m stuffed.”

  To my great delight, I did get to share a bucket of popcorn with Nicky, Joey didn’t like popcorn so he had a bar of chocolate instead.

  “She doesn’t half spoil you, doesn’t she?” Mum said.

  “Who?” I said as I was thinking about Nicky.

  “Joey’s Mum.”

  “Yeh, I suppose so.”

  “I think it’s because her girls have grown up, so she knows Joey is the only one left to spoil. Plus, of course, they have the money to spoil their kids because his Mum and Dad both have good jobs. Shows the benefit of working hard at school that, Si.”

  “Like you and Dad did?”

  Mum and Dad had one “O” level between them.

  “Yes, but you can learn from our mistakes, love.”

  “I’m never going to be a lawyer, Mum, I’m not all that clever.”

  “You might surprise yourself.”

  “Maybe.”

  “You will eat your tea though, won’t you?”

  “Yes, Mum.”

  “Anyway, you still haven’t told me about Top Gun! You’ve been dying to see that. Was it as good as you expected?”

  “Yeh.”

  “Is that it, ‘yeh’? It’s like getting blood out of a stone with you men! I should have had girls. They know how to chat properly.”

  “Mum, it was really good!”

  “How was it good? What was it about? What did you enjoy about it? Come on, Simon, spill the beans.”

 
; Mum managed to coax out of me all the details about Top Gun and for once, a real, detailed conversation ensued for a few minutes, until I was distracted by the sound of my Dad’s ladders being positioned against the side of our house. Moments later, my Dad entered the kitchen through the back door. It was ‘House Rules’ that we all had to enter via the back door, unless we had been dropped off, when we were told to enter via the front door, so we could wave goodbye, after remembering to say ‘thank you for having me’ to our hosts. Politeness was hammered into our bodies like nails into wood.

  “What a day!” my Dad said as he took his shoes off on the back door mat, “sunburnt this morning, then soaked this afternoon! I tell you, it could only happen in England!”

  Sweeping statements were a speciality of my father’s. Dad was a bubbly, outspoken man. He was only quite a small man, but what he lacked in height, he made up for in personality and width. Dad was extremely broad, almost square, ironic given he matched the shape of the Mr.Man who shared his surname.

  “What’s for tea?” he asked.

  “Braising steak for us, fish fingers for the boys.”

  “Is Colin upstairs?”

  “No, he went out playing cricket earlier and he’s not come back yet.”

  “I’m pretty sure rain will have stopped play by now.”

  “Yes, I’m sure it has,” Mum said, “he’ll be mucking around in some puddles with his friends or playing on someone’s Commodore. I’ll ring around if he’s not back in half an hour.”

  “I thought he was sticking with you?” Dad said to me as he took his wet top off and threw it so it landed on the floor by the washing machine. In the summer, he was always tanned, every sunny day he would clean windows without his top on, to impress the ladies, no doubt, as he had a pretty muscular torso for a Dad.

  “He was with me this morning, but I went to see Top Gun with Joey and Nicky.”

  “Why didn’t our Col go with you?” Dad asked.

  “We wanted him to, but he wanted to play cricket. We voted on it and he lost.”

  “You should have just taken him then.”

  “I tried to,” I lied knowing that I hadn’t really bent over backwards to persuade him, “but he just went off in a mood saying he was coming back here to get his cricket stuff.”

  “He’s a stubborn sod, that lad. I’ll have words with him when he gets back. He just can’t wander off on his own every time it takes his fancy. If he’s left here with you, he should come back here with you, simple as that....anyway, I’m off to have a shower, clean myself up before tea. Is the immersion on, love?”